Binary Blonde

This weekend went way too fast. It always does though, unfortunately. Last week was an especially exhausting work week for me and it pains me that it starts all over again tomorrow morning. I just think the whole work-to-live thing is depressing. Kev calls it “The Sunday Blues.” Whatever you want to call it, it doesn’t make much sense to work 5 out of 7 days in a week, with 2 days off. Shouldn’t it be a little more balanced? Work 4 days a week, with 3 days off seems much more logical, but what the heck do I know, right? :frustrated:

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the whole working 9+ hours PER day and commute time spent just getting there. I mean, we’re only awake 16 out of 24 hours, assuming that you get 8 hours of sleep. So, basically we work over half our waking lives? That’s just plain messed up.

Grr.. I’m not usually this pissy (nor do I usually have a migraine.. which I am experiencing now X-( ). But, seriously, though, there has got to be a better way. Right?

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

My father-in-law sent me that quote and it really hit home for me. I know he sent it because he knew I needed to hear it and for that I am so grateful. I tried to find who quipped it, but over and over again the results came up with “author unknown”. Ah well..

I think I need to tattoo it on my forehead. Backwards, of course, so that I see it when I look in the mirror. Sometimes, in my quest to finish a goal I’ve set for myself, I lose focus of why I actually chose the goal in the first place. It’s like I get some sort of tunnel vision, where, at the end of the tunnel is the goal and nothing else around it matters. It’s my perfectionist nature coming to bite me in the ass. Though, I’m trying to learn that life just isn’t about checking off your “Goal To-Do List”. It’s also about enjoying everything around it, and maybe even re-evaluating those goals along the way.

Sometimes, along the path towards a goal, I might find something that confirms my passion for it and other times I might find something that makes me wonder why the hell I wanted that goal in the first place. It’s why, I find, I have to continuously take note of what is around me, and why my tunnel vision can get me in sticky situations. Situations such as realising I’m so close to the original goal, but wondering why the hell I’m still pursuing it. At that point, I tell myself, it’s a waste to NOT finish the goal, even though it’s not something I want anymore.

Ugh. I think one of my new goals is to consciously take that quote to heart and live it.

Goal To-Do List

1. Stop and smell the roses.

Kevin says I shouldn’t write too many “downer” posts, but ya know what? It’s my blog and I’m not going to censor myself just ’cause I’m not in a happy-happy-joy-joy mood all the effing time.

So, on that note, I’ve been in a severe funk this past week. I always think that I won’t be this time of year and I always am. I keep thinking that maybe I won’t even notice that it’s September, but then I always do. Even now, I still think I won’t be in a funk next year. Always the optimist, I guess.

So.. just to make myself feel even better (sarcasm, anyone?), let me divulge why September puts me in such a funk (lucky you, huh?).

– Last year about this time we were all watching the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi and, of course, Louisiana. Chaos and unhappiness erupted. Many innocent people and animals died. Sure, it wasn’t September when she made landfall, but September 1 was the day New Orleans residents (animal and human alike) watched the sunrise from their roofs.

– Five years ago we were watching as our nation was attacked by terrorists. That was an emotional roller coaster for everyone. Most people can remember that day vividly and know exactly what they were doing when it happened. 9/11 struck a deep emotional chord for all of us. Also, again, many innocent people and animals died.

– Then, in 2002, on September 11, I had to make the choice to euthanize my forever cat, Sophie. She had untreatable throat cancer in its final stages and was suffering. I held her until she took her last breath, rocking her like a baby in my arms while wrapped in one of my t-shirts that she loved to sleep on. Most veterinarians won’t allow that, but since I was pretty obviously dying inside, they allowed me to hold her during the injection. It was the first death I’ve ever experienced on a personal level and it tore my heart in pieces. I light a candle and say a little prayer in her remembrance every year on September 11. Sophie is the reason I decided to become a veterinary technician.

– Summer is officially over and the days become shorter. 🙁 Bye-bye sunshine.

That’s it. My reasons on why I wish I could sleep through this entire month and wake up in time to prepare for Halloween. There are too many unhappy memories associated with this month. Oh wait.. there’s one more. My birthday follows within a week of September 11. Anyone care to celebrate? No? Me neither.. :-/