When PostSecret Gets Personal

April 28, 2008

I read PostSecret every week and I marvel at some of the postcards people send in. This week, however, as I was scrolling down the page, one of them caught my eye.

It’s one of the “depressing” ones, so I really don’t feel like posting it here, but it’s the fourth one up from the bottom.

The reason it caught me eye? One of my dear friends has pretty distinct hand writing and I could swear that the writing on the card is hers.

I’m thinking about sending her an email asking if she sent it in, because as one of her friends I know that the subject matter in question happened to her last year, except for that last part of the sentence.

I’m hoping that it’s not her hand writing, but I have this sinking feeling that it is. I know that people send in those secrets so they can remain anonymous, but I would feel awful knowing that she is in such pain and I couldn’t help her through it.

If you were in my shoes, would you send her an email asking if it were hers or just leave it alone?

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PostSecret Update
May 7, 2008 at 1:41 pm

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Patrick D. April 28, 2008 at 11:46 am

I would leave it alone. But that’s just me.

I think she might feel regret for saying anything if the one place she sent it is no longer anonymous. I think it’s one of the those things where she needs to approach someone on her own accord.

The one exception, in my opinion, might be if you think she might be a ‘danger to herself’ if you get my meaning.

On the complete other hand, I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t like to hear a ‘hey how you doing’ out of the clear blue. You can just say ‘hey’ without disclosing the why.

Just my thoughts.


Jenn April 28, 2008 at 12:29 pm

Oh this is hard. I think I would leave it alone. I would reassure her that you are available if she needs to talk about anything. Make her feel comfortable enough to share this with you if it is in fact her secret. I’m sure if she wanted to talk about it, she will when she feels ready.


katelin April 28, 2008 at 1:57 pm

I completely agree with everything Jenn just said. I would leave it alone and just sort of mention how much you’re there for her. That’s the best you can do as a friend.


Sue Doe-Nim April 28, 2008 at 11:44 pm

This is where you decide how close you are and how invested in the friendship you are.

It’s okay to not be “that friend” but if you are “that friend” then you need to be there, be present and be okay with hearing things about her that you might not be prepared for.


Bobby April 29, 2008 at 6:04 pm

I would stay silently supportive. If you make it clear that you’re there for her, and that you won’t judge her, she’ll be more likely to open out. I know you probably can’t empathise, so you should read this article on Aish.com, Goodbye to the Children I Never Had, in which an Orthodox Jewish woman accepts her infertility and the sadness with it. It is sad, but touching.

Kol tuv and shalom aleichem…


Jordyn May 7, 2008 at 4:14 am

Just found your blog through blogher. It’s lovely. 🙂

And, of course this is just me, but unless she’s a really really close friend, like the kind you share EVERYTHING with, I’d leave it alone. Assuming it was her, she probably sent it in to relieve herself of the secret and yet be anon about it. And if it wasn’t her it’s just going to be awkward and embarrassing.
But, if you are close enough that you don’t think bringing it up would be harmful to her or the friendship, then go ahead, but delicately.


Binary Blonde May 8, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Patrick D., Jenn, katelin, Sue Doe-Nim, Bobby & Jordyn – Thank you so much for all your suggestions and advice. I really do appreciate it. After several nights of “sleeping on it”, I decided that I would contact her and ask her about it.

We are, after all, very good friends and if I was hurting, I would want her to reach out to me. My update on what happened is posted under PostSecret Update.


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