Off Switch

July 24, 2006

Yesterday I received a phone call on my cell from a number I didn’t recognize… well, except for the area code: 504. It was from New Orleans. I almost didn’t answer it. I did end up answering it and am glad I did. It turns out there’s something I can help with from California for a few lucky animals who are being transported out to get adopted here.

Today, I had to wonder why I even considered not answering it. I’m not completely sure, but I think in some small way, tucked away in my subconscious, I just want to forget about New Orleans. Sounds pretty harsh, huh? Yeah.. I thought so.

It’s not that I want to forget, really.. It’s just that I’m a very emotional person, and over the years I’ve had to build up this "barrier" to soften the touch on my heart chords or otherwise I’d be in a constant state of depression.

I know that New Orleans will always be a part of my life. But, I can’t think about my experiences down there for too long, it just makes me sad. I essentially try to make myself turn that emotion "off" to save myself from crying about it constantly. This planet has too much hurt for me. It always has, really. So, I just let myself forget when I know I can’t take anymore hurt. It’s what works to keep me sane, I guess.

Geesh, what a complete downer I am tonight. I’ll try to stay away from the Emo-esque stuff from now on.

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