Nothing more than feelings..

November 10, 2005

I apologize for not updating. I am experiencing some emotions that I am unfamiliar with and am not sure how to deal with. I wasn’t even sure if I should post this, because I feel extremely vulnerable expressing it, but I don’t want to hide anything I experienced on this trip.

My main problem is I cannot focus on anything for any length of time and feel like I’m wandering around in a fog. I cry at the drop of a hat. I’ve had horrible nightmares since I’ve returned, mainly involving sick or dying animals. I’m tired all the time. I get frustrated and irriated very easily, too. I also feel so hypersensitive, to the point where I don’t want to be hugged or touched sometimes. If I didn’t have my friend Cat to talk with about our experiences in Louisiana, I don’t know what I’d do. I would think I was going crazy.

I did some research and, apparently, I have the beginning of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. The good thing is I’m not “officially” diagnosed with it until I’ve had symptoms for a month, so hopefully I won’t feel this way in a month and no long-term damage is done.

The worst of it is I have no motivation to do anything except go back to Louisiana and be with the animals to help them more. I feel so guilty for leaving them, since I got so attached to them and knew each and every one of them.

I know.. I know.. All I need is time to decompress and time to absorb it all. The problem is that Kevin and I are leaving to fly to the East Coast on Friday to attend his cousin’s wedding. I don’t want to travel. I don’t want to get dressed up. I don’t want to be around people. I don’t want to have to make small talk about my trip. I just feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping in a hole for a few days.

Anyway, the one thing I am trying so hard to focus on is getting my photos from the trip posted. Click on the photos link to the left to view. I hope to have them all up by the end of the day.

Leave a Comment

You can use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Previous post:

Next post: